i wanted to touch him the whole time. maybe even just putting my hand next to his to where, you know, it technically wouldnt be holding his hand, but where it barely brushed past.... enough to calm my nerves.

but moreso, i wanted it all to fall into place.
and i had some crazy feeling the entire night that it would.

i know it's just a friendship, but whenever i looked at him,
within that very second...
i couldnt stomache what my heart was screaming at me.

i might be a fool, i usually am.
and i know i missed my chance once..
maybe twice by now,
but i honestly was just hoping for the best.

and the fact that you considered me as dismissable as i was....
could not have been a bigger letdown.

and after coming home
to see my friends tonight after their 1 year celebration dinner
all dressed in their finest...

i'll have to admit i thought of you.
and how your name had not yet shown up on my caller ID
although i honestly thought that within a few minutes from leaving, it would.

i'm crazy to want this.
but i want to try, that's all.
and i dont want to call him.
i want to call you.


if only you'll trust me
with your heart of elmer's glue,
i will seal you
complete you.



"God please bring the rain,
yeah... bring it soon."



.

i'm terrified of failure.